HOW THEOPHOSTIC PRAYER MINISTRY HAS CHANGED MY LIFE
By Ron Fischer © 2004

The end of the Basic Theophostic Ministry course concluded and the ladies were first prayed for. They each consecutively received truth in one of their painful memories giving them peace, then it was my turn. I knew this could be uncomfortable due to all the men watching but I did not care. I wanted to see if this really works and if this was the answer for me personally. Bill, the facilitator, asked the Lord to show me a memory that is now causing some distress in my life. I could not remember many difficult memories nor emotionally connect to them although I did know that I had some emotionally painful experiences in my childhood. All I could really remember was a time when I was about 11 years old that I felt rejected, unloved, hated my life, and didn't want to live anymore. I had no friends and was terribly lonely. I spent many days crying in despair, broken hearted and wanting to die. Even though I knew this happened, I was not emotionally connected to it and it was as thought I knew about it but it happened to someone else. Bill asked me to focus on this memory and try to embrace all the pain in it. He asked me how it felt and helped push me into the emotional painful feelings. Eventually I began to feel these incredible feelings of despair that I had when I was 11. I began to cry uncontrollably as I expressed how I just wanted my father to love me, I felt all alone, and that nobody cares about me. Bill asked the Lord to reveal his heart to me regarding the lies "No one loves me", "I am all alone", and "Nobody cares about me". I began to feel an incredible presence from God and a sense that he was telling me "I love you Ron. I am with you, and I will always be with you." My crying subsided as I felt God's incredible love and peace. This all took about forty minutes but there was an amazing change inside of me. There was still some lingering sadness but I felt my heart had just opened up and I was able to receive and give love to God, my wife and my kids more than ever before in my life. I knew there was still more emotional pain to process but this was the beginning of my healing journey. The other guys in the course that were watching conveyed that I was a brave soul and it was great to see some healing occur. After the course, Bill went back home to Ontario and I continued to study and learn the Theophostic Prayer Ministry concepts, principles and process.

Then in the summer of 2004 when I was at a Revival Conference, God broke another lie in my past and brought more emotional peace and healing into my life. My wife Sharon and I were late for a meeting and the parking lot was full. I dropped Sharon off at the door and had to park a block away which frustrated me somewhat but my worst concern was that we would have to sit right at the back which I hated because I like to be close enough to see the speaker. Sure enough when I walked into the conference room my disappointment was fulfilled as the auditorium was packed and I finally located Sharon at the back. I looked at her moaning in disappointment almost making a scene. I then joined Sharon and moaned to her about getting there late, etc. I was so miserable I couldn't enter into worship and didn't even want to stay. I thought to myself "I have got to break through this or I might as well not even be here." While everyone else was worshiping with singing, I focused on my feelings of disappointment and asked the Lord to reveal to me why I'm being so badly affected. The thought came to my mind that my father was always disappointed with me as a child and in turn I was disappointed with myself. Every time I felt someone was disappointed with me or I was disappointed with my self, I'd feel this emotional pain and react terribly. I focused on and embraced the emotional pain of being a disappointment to my father and disappointment to myself and tears began to stream down my face. I then asked the Lord to reveal to me what he wanted me to know about being such a disappointment to my father. I sensed that the Lord was telling me "Your father did not see that he had such a good boy who tried very hard to please him. But I saw it and I am very pleased with your efforts Ron. You have never been a disappointment to me." The emotional pain subsided and I felt God's love and peace and was able to enter into worship and enjoy the rest of the evening. Since then I have found that I do not feel like a disappointment to myself, to God, to my boss, or my family. I do not feel I have to please them as I did before.

Again in the summer of 2004 a month later God broke another lie in my past and brought more emotional peace and healing into my life. I had asked for time off from work while my supervisor was on vacation and assumed it would be OK so I booked my flight and made plans in advance to get the best rates. When my supervisor returned form vacation he was hesitant on giving me the days off. This was my first full week off this year and I was upset. The same night at home there was some difficulty with one of my kids and I had reached my limit. I decided to duck into my bedroom, lock the door, and face my turmoil inside. I asked the Lord why I was so upset and the thought came that I was not appreciated - not at work and not at home. I focused on this and embraced the increasing pain. Then I asked the Lord to show me where this is coming from in my past. I remembered working on many house projects with my father and I gave it everything I had but never heard my father ever say thank you or show any appreciation for anything I had done for him. Also the thought that nobody really cares about me came to mind so I embraced it as well. I asked the Lord to reveal what the underlying feeling for not being appreciated or cared for and the thought came to me "I am not worth caring for or appreciating". I knew I was getting down to the real lie because the pain increased and I began to sob. I embraced this lie and asked the Lord to reveal to me what he wanted me to know about "I am not worth caring about or appreciating". I sensed God telling me "Your father did not accept you, show care to you, nor show appreciation for you because he did not feel you belonged to him. I saw all that you did. I appreciate your efforts and I care for you Ron." I asked God what I was worth to him and he conveyed to me "You are worth everything to me Ron. I sent my son to die for you so that I could be with you and have you as my child forever. My son Jesus died for you so you could be his bride forever." These truths produced tears of gratitude as I sensed God's love and care for me. Since then I have found that I no longer feel unappreciated or worthless, and my emotions are freer to give and receive love.